I am all about looking forward rather than looking back. But in the last few months circumstances have caused me to reflect back on my life as I pack up substantial pieces of it in order to make room for new opportunities. I have lived life well and have had incredible successes and experiences along the way. I have also hit pitfalls and challenges that made me think, “What should and could I have done differently if I could live my life over?”
I did not have a life mentor. I wish I had. A big sister or brother, a business advisor or friend. My father was the closest person to a mentor, but at the end of the day, he was still “Daddy” and he fixed things if they were not right for me no matter what. Otherwise, I have pretty much bushwacked my way through life, love and business living by gut, common sense, passion and fear of failure.
If I were to sit down with my younger self in her 20s starting out, I would tell her “Do as I say and not as I did.” Here are 20 pieces of advice I would offer her:
1. Your self worth is more important than your net worth. Instead of focusing on what you do not have and acquiring “things” to surround yourself with, focus on what you do have and the talents you possess and build your life from that standpoint. Don’t let an obsession with having more possessions possess you.
2. Save money now to spend your time well later. Put away 10-20 percent of your income from Day One. Just pretend you have less to spend and learn to spend less. If you think you really need to purchase something, think about what you are willing to give up to have it. Remember this: Compounded interest is far better than compounded debt.
3. Find a mentor- someone you trust- and lean on that person for advice. If you do not know where to turn for advice, approach someone whose life you respect and ask that person if she will spend time talking with you. Write a business person whose career you follow and ask for an informational interview. Sometimes a family member is not a good idea. Seek out a third party whom you admire. Find a mentor and one day become a mentor. Both will make you a better person.
4. Make friends with your banker and have her help you establish credit early on. Learn the ins and outs about different types of accounts and how to make them work for you. Read the fine print, always! You can bank on having a good relationship with your banker to help you out when times get tough.
5. Know your credit score and learn how to maintain it. The simplest things can impact your credit score like opening and closing credit cards accounts, missing a few bill payments, and establishing a high amount of revolving credit. You do not need or want a high amount of revolving credit no matter how enticing it sounds. My father gave me my first credit card “for emergencies only.” But, in my young aspiring mind, everything was an emergency, from a new outfit for a date, to going out with friends to the latest restaurant, to taking a weekend trip. Guess what the outcome was? The most important score on your life’s game card is spelled C-R-E-D-I-T
6. Never agree to accept anything over the phone that involves a contract or financial transaction unless you know who the person or institution is. I must receive 5-6 sales calls a week. if someone has an offer for you that is “timely” and “limited” they can take the time to meet you in person or send you details in writing. Nothing is that urgent or that important unless it is life or death. If someone is pressuring you too hard to say “yes,” just say “no thank you.”
7. Get insurance. If your employer does not offer a benefits package that includes health insurance, including dental and disability, then you need to set this up. Do not wait. Insurance costs more the older you get, and once you contract a major illness you will be royally screwed if you don’t already have it. There are many trade groups (alumni, professional, etc) that offer reasonable group coverage. Protect yourself, your home and your belongings: The day it starts rain #$%#$% on your head you will be glad you had that umbrella.
8. You do not need to buy a big house. You do not need to buy a house at all unless you can really afford the mortgage, property taxes and all the expenses that come with home ownership and repairs. Buying a house may be the American dream but if you are not prepared to handle the commitment and expenses that come with ownership it can become a nightmare. Think before you purchase. Are you ready to shoulder the responsibility?
9. If you buy a house or condo, buy when you are young if it is a primary residence. A 30 year mortgage in your 20s means you can pay it off in your 50s or trade up. Buy young and pay down your debt sonner than later.
10. You do not have to accept the first job or salary offer that comes your way. Employers will lowball you. Learn to smile and say, “Can you do a little better than that?” And be prepared to state why you are worth more. Have some moxy. Do not be timid.
11. You can always lower your ballpark salary but never lower your standards. If the offer stinks and the job leaves a sick feeling in your stomach, trust me: you do not want to work there. Follow your gut instinct!
12. Stay fit and active. Set aside at least one hour a day for “Me” time. I don’t care how busy you are, how many mouths you have to feed or how many hours your are clocking. One hour needs to be dedicated to you and to your well being. Schedule it into your routine and stick with it. Invest in you!
13. Fall in love many times and enjoy your flings. But marry a man who respects you, shares your values, carries no emotional baggage and has a good credit score. Otherwise, stay single and just have fun. Marriage is work. Marriage to a man who has issues from the start is more work in more ways than one. Love with your heart; make serious commitments with your head
14. I don’t care what the papers are reporting about more women under 30 becoming single mothers. Do not do it! If you’re not willing to put aside your personal needs; if you do not have the resources to assume the responsibilities in full and if you think having a baby on your own will fulfill you as a woman, think twice. Children are a lifetime commitment. They can’t be parked at day care forever when you decide you need an emotional getaway. If you want to share your life with a young person, volunteer to work with children; become a mentor; be a godmother to your sister’s child.
15. It’s OK to take time off to travel, pursue your passion and find yourself. Some of the greatest people in business have done this and went on to be phenomenally successful. You never want to look back at your life and say “I wish I had worked less and enjoyed life more.” Seize opportunities when they come your way.
16. Business is business. No matter how close you are to clients, co-workers and employers, when the boat is sinking you become jetsam.
17. A closet full of designer clothes may make you better dressed but at the end of the day a smart investment and savings plan will make you better prepared for life’s pitfalls than a shelf of Chanel handbags. If I had $10,000 for every pair of shoes I bought and no longer wear I would be a wealthy, debt free woman
18. Take time to be courteous and gracious. Send hand written thank you notes and gifts. Give of your self. Manners mean alot, especially in the digital age we live in. I am appalled at how many times I have sent gifts to young people and have never received thank you notes. Manners go a long way. Use them!
19. Learn a hobby; adopt a pet; follow your passion. Be quirky. It’s OK to break the mold and not blend in. It makes you stand out. Paint your own colors; follow your voice; pursue your passion. Be proud to be unique.
20. Live with no regrets. Take the bumps along the way and file them under “learning experiences.” People are more forgiving than you think if you are gracious. And if they are not, they are not people you should be associated with. Time is always forgiving. Just don’t waste it.
Remember, who you may be in your 20s will change along life’s way. It’s expected. But learn to lay a strong foundation for your life as you build up and out and learn to stay grounded as you aim high.
And if you do something really stupid, as I have done many times in my life. Cry, laugh, learn from it and live onward.
