I recently attended the funeral of a longtime business colleague who died too soon of cancer. It was billed as a Celebration of His Life. Many of my former staff attended, and it was good to see them albeit for such a somber occasion. At the church the priest talked of baptism and Jesus and moving on; he poured water a few times into an urn. A woman quoted Emily Dickenson, a favorite poet of the deceased. I love the line “Because I could not stop for death, he kindly stopped for me.”
We popped up and down and sang a few hymns and read a few passages from the Bible. His ashes lay a golden urn surrounded by a wreath made of fresh vegetables. The priest talked about the deceased’s love of food, especially fried chicken, and his passion for gathering people around a table to eat, taking care of every detail in the kitchen.
But we really did not celebrate his life per se. We commemorated his passing through it and moving onward….. Afterward, my small group of “M Youngers” gathered around in a living room and we shared stories about the deceased and how we all worked together as a team producing incredible food industry events- a close knit family reunion of colleagues who manage to stay in touch.
On the drive home I said to my husband, David, “When I die, I want everyone to really celebrate my life. I want everyone to have a party. Pop the champagne corks; bring out my favorite foods. Play my favorite music. Share stories and photos. Cry until you laugh and laugh until you cry. There will be no talk of God, saviors, angels or prophets. They did not bring me into this world and I do not need them to help me leave it. My very many dear friends and very few family members will do the honors.”
The best way to celebrate one’s life is to do it in the present. When you face down a life threatening disease it becomes all the more evident. While nothing is for certain other than we all pass through time and gain and lose people along the way, we can change our attitudes and approach to life.
If you ever want a reality check, sit down and script a celebration of your life. What would you say about yourself? Does the description match the reality? If not, what can you do to make up the difference?
I want people to commemorate how I lived my life and not how I left it. Just talk about how I approached life; the things I achieved; the lives I touched; the people I loved and my love of travel, wine, food, the arts, reading, writing and dogs.
I want to be remembered as a woman who knew how to push the limits but also learned to recognize and accept her limits.
I want to be remembered as a woman who created and produced great programs that impacted many people in positive ways.
I want to be remembered as a woman who spoke her mind but was also a good listener and adviser when her friends needed to talk.
I want to be remember as a women who enjoyed bringing people together not tearing them apart.
I want to be remembered as a women who thought out of the box and often believed she could turn a “No” into a “Yes,” a “Can’t” into a “Can,” and a “Why?” into a “Why Not?”
I want people to say she trusted her instinct, followed her passion and lived life on her terms. And when she faced challenges and obstacles she faced them head on and worked harder to a cut a new path around them.
As we both drove home and shared more stories and reflected on the day, I reminded myself: Today was reminder that you only have one chance at living your life and you have many roads to choose to travel through it. There’s no one direction to follow. Choose the routes that give you the greatest ride of your life, the most joy, beautiful surroundings, fun pit stops and unforgetteable memories. And when you pass through to the next journey, your friends will gather to celebrate your life and say “She drove through life with the top down, breeze in her hair and the sun in her face.”
