There comes a point in everyone’s life when you’ll face a breakup. I’m not talking about calling it off with a significant other or divorcing a spouse or anything involving a romantic relationship. I’m talking about breaking off with people who provide you goods and services, perhaps for many years. And then one day you decide to make a switch.
Maybe you were unhappy with someone’s services. Maybe you felt you needed a fresh look or new approach. Maybe a better offer or price presented itself and you wanted to give it a try. Maybe you moved neighborhoods or cities. Maybe you just felt the relationship no longer suited your needs or felt stale. It happens, and it has happened to me. I’ve dumped and I’ve been dumped. It’s hard either way.
The question is: How do you break up with the person? Do you call them up and tell them you decided to try/hire a new person or service? Or do you just quietly move on? The former feels a bit awkward and confrontational, and the latter feels like you’re cheating on someone.
I started thinking about this recently when I decided to make some (ahem!) changes. I asked my new hairdresser what she recommended. Hairdressers get dumped all the time. She told me clients usually don’t say anything. They just don’t show up again. My facialist told me the same thing. They both said they took it in stride.
But what if you live in a small town or a neighborhood where you will run into them? What if you are friends on Facebook and the person follows you? What if you share the same circle of friends? Awkward!
Speaking from experience as a consultant, I’d rather have a client pick up the phone or write a polite email to notify me they have decided to make a change rather than find out through word of mouth or – worse- receive a press release or invitation to the now former client’s event. I don’t need a detailed explanation but feedback, positive or negative, is appreciated. I have to confess I have not always followed these rules which is why I am giving it some thought here.
Here are a few tips:
1. If you have had a working relationship with someone or with a company for a long period of time you should give your contact the courtesy of a call or letter explaining you have decided to make a change. I suggest keeping the explanation concise and pleasant unless there is something you really need to get off your chest that requires you to go into more detail. Just don’t disappear and leave someone wondering what happened.
2. If you are breaking up with someone because you are unhappy with their work you should be prepared to explain why but try to avoid putting the person-or yourself-on the defensive. It’s better not to end with an argument since no one wants to be left with a bitter taste in her mouth.
3. If you want to make a change and try something or someone new, just be honest about it. This happens all the time. It’s better to be truthful than to be sneaky.
4. In the case of a physician where you want to get a second opinion, be open about it. It is perfectly normal, and recommended, to get second and even third opinions. You may need to compare opinions before making a decision or change and you will want all records in order. Make sure you have a copy of each physician’s reports.
5. If it is a service provider where you are under contract, such as a phone or cable company, computer storage, equipment rental or something like a monthly auto ship for a product, make sure you know the terms of the contract and early cancellation before you start the process. You’ll want to avoid early termination penalties or legal issues.
6. A particularly awkward situation is when the individual is a friend and where you are also working together or you have hired that person. You need to be very clear that the decision is business related and you do not want it to affect your friendship in any way. Just be aware that initially the person may feel hurt and let down, but a true friend will move past her anger.
I have friends whose policy is “don’t do business with friends.” If this is your policy, that is fine. But then keep it that way and don’t pick your friend’s brain for free business advice unless you know they are willing and comfortable with it.
I have experienced all of the above situations at some point. And I have been on the receiving end of being “discontinued.” It is never pleasant but here is what I can share:
Much like a romance that is no longer right for you, it is better to end a relationship rather than hang on just to maintain the friendship-good-standing-not rock the boat-worry what others will think or say – scenario.
When you are ready to move on, take the high road and be gracious. Keep the conversation between you and the person as polite as possible. People will always remember the last words you said but maybe not the first.
