My brain-tenna recently shot up over a New York Times article entitled “Anxious Students Strain College Mental Health Centers.” The article reports that nearly one in six college students has been diagnosed with or treated for anxiety which has now surpassed depression as the most common mental health diagnosis among these students.
Many reasons were given for the high anxiety among young people. Some are obvious with academic, financial, parental and social pressures being paramount. One reason that struck a chord was “fear of missing out” (FOMO for short). Now, fear of missing out is nothing new. I remember the fit I had when my mother grounded me from attending a big Baylor High School football game that everyone but me was attending. But I got over it.
The problem is it seems more people are focusing on FOMO and not BIM (Being in the Moment). It’s a focus on where you are not versus where you are. Social media is fueling this systemic anxiety. People feel the need to stay connected so they don’t miss out on news, trending topics and opportunities. Many are also comparing their lives to those who regularly post fabulous photos and exciting news. Here’s what this article also had to say:
Social media is a gnawing, roiling constant. As students see posts about everyone else’s fabulous experiences, the inevitable comparisons erode their self-esteem. The popular term is “FOMO” — fear of missing out.
It’s not just an issue among students. I think high social anxiety is rampant among adults. One reason is the FOMO issue. But there are others. One is Fear of Failing Behind (FOFB) Having recently spent some time participating in several business and coaching education social media communities I noticed four types of people: A) those who sought approvals and opinions B) those who touted all their accomplishments C) those who were supportive and cheering everyone on and D) those who expressed anxiety over not being able to keep up and felt inadequate.
I like to weigh in with supportive comments and kept re-posting: This program and community are about cultivating your talent and not competing. It’s not a race. Go at your pace. I hope some people took this to heart.
The pressure to succeed and exceed others’ expectations of you continues well into adulthood. Many businesses are looking at an individual’s (or an entity’s) social media standing as a measurement of worth. I’ve heard stories of individuals going for job interviews where the question came up, “Why aren’t you on social media?” It’s almost as if not being on social media makes you a social outcast. At business meetings I’m asked to present my social media numbers with the same zeal as reporting sports statistics. Forget that I produce programs and write books and article with thoughtful quality and beneficial content.
Social media was originally created to communicate, inform and be social. But businesses caught on and now it’s turning into a bit of a social nightmare for some people who feel pressured to make their numbers in order to stay relevant. I’ve seen people dropped from invitation lists because their social media standing wasn’t large enough (a new kind of social register, perhaps!). I’ve also seen people of marginal interest with minimal class and taste become “social media sensations” because they know how to post pretty pictures of themselves or food or pets or whatever they are trying to trend and who they want to be. The reality is some of it is smoke and mirrors and selfies.
I’m not disparaging social media because I do find it to be a valuable way to communicate and I enjoy connecting with people around the world. But it should not lead to social competition or comparison. We don’t want to raise kids who turn into high anxiety stress junkies, and we don’t want to become that person either.
Tips To Unplug:
1. Rather than checking emails and social media throughout the day, allocate specific hours.
2. Use your out of office message to let people know when you are -and are not -available.
3. Allocate certain parts of your home as “tech free zones.”
4. Turn off or silence mobile phones at night and remove from bedroom.
5. It is perfectly polite to ask guests not to bring their phones to the dinner table. Offer charging stations in your home where they can leave their phones during dinner (We use surge protector strips).
