We’ve all heard the term “famous last words.” But what about the having the final words?
My friend and fellow author, Barbara Musser, wrote an article whose words resonated with me. She said, “Had I known that my last conversation with my mother was the final one before her sudden death, I would have chosen to say other things to her.” Here is the full post: http://www.sexyaftercancer.com/sexy-blog/heart-broken-open/.
It’s ironic how often I choose my words so carefully when I write and so carelessly when I address people in my life who matter. Do you do this? Do you brush someone off when they call, nag a spouse, criticize someone or make an offhanded remark, or speak sharply to someone when you feel rushed or stressed? Do you listen and think before you reply? Do you really listen or just half listen while multi-tasking?
I was taught to count to ten before replying, I was also taught to count to ten to control my anger. It’s ten seconds of attitude adjustment that many of us need to practice more often
My mother told me that every night she and my father would have the same exchange, One would say, “I love you,” The other would respond, “I love you more.” These were their final words to each other before Dad died in his sleep.
I think about my final words with my father. They were strong and positive because I knew he was dying and I would never see him again. I shudder to think how I would have reacted if he had died suddenly and our final words had been acrimonious.
We should choose the words we say as carefully as we choose anything else in our lives that matter. Like a bad post on Twitter or a poorly written memo, words can deliver the wrong message that, even retracted, still linger in the memory. Words are powerful tools: they can build and strengthen or weaken and destroy. They can make an impression that can last forever.
So what are my final words on this subject?
It’s better to choose words that help than hurt. Use words to turn unjust actions into positive change.
It’s better to speak your mind than let things fester; just choose your words carefully to understand the consequences.
Asking questions to obtain better answers is smarter than remaining silent.
Never begin or end the day with a negative thought or negative words.
Say “thank you” and “I love you” and mean it.
If the “cat gets your tongue” express yourself in writing or in a gesture that says what you mean. “Actions speak louder than words.”
My final words that I repeat to myself often to stay grounded are: Live with passion and purpose. Laugh often and with friends. Love unconditionally and share it.
When I was born, my father sent his best friend a letter bragging about me and describing what it felt like to be a father for the first time. When I neared 21, that friend returned the letter back to my Dad. So, for my 21st birthday my father sent me his original letter plus a new one, describing what I meant to him after 21 years. Ten or so years later, I framed the two letters side by side. My father came to visit me and saw those letters framed, hanging on my wall. Tears came to his eyes. That was the last time I saw him.
Thank you for your wonderful piece. It reminded me of my sweet Dad and how his simple words left me with such a beautiful memory.
Hi Lisa,
What a sweet story. Cleaning out my drawers I found a yellowed typewritten letter from my grandfather telling my how proud he was of me.I think he wrote it when
I was just out of college. These days when good, old fashioned letters are fewer and few, the ones we have become keepsakes.
Melanie