Lean In “to incline or press into something. You have to lean into the wind when you walk or you will be blown over.” (The Free Dictionary)
I just finished reading Facebook CEO Sheryl Sandberg’s book, “Lean In,” referred to by some blogs as “a feminist manifesto” to motivate women in business to be assertive, set goals, establish boundaries and speak up and out if they want to crunch the glass ceiling and establish equality between the working sexes.
As a woman and a business owner I found her message compelling based both on my successes and my mistakes. Here’s my interpretation: It takes more than a traditional MBA “Master in Business Administration” to get ahead. It also takes a Master in Being Assertive.
I don’t have a traditional MBA. Instead I attended the School of Hard Knocks and learned everything while establishing and running my own business and dealing with the debris life tosses in your path. I earned a Master in Being Assertive on the road to success. Along the way I learned that, unless you were born with a silver spoon in your mouth, if you want to get ahead you need to be prepared to shovel some shit and not just dip from the honey pot with a delicate spoon. I also learned that, unless you run in royal circles, Prince Charming is not a knight on a white horse. Instead he may be a prince of a guy who hopefully loves you unconditionally but may not have a King’s Ransom to support you. Finally I learned that if you want to build your life in any direction you choose, start by establishing a strong platform. This latter has proven very important as I focus on my own reinvention.
I believe in the importance of “Leaning In.” But I think that Sheryl shares part of the message. I’m here to share six other tips:
Ladies, Look Up!
Look Up: If you really want to send me a message look me in the eye and stop texting me. And stop walking and texting. I can’t tell you how many people bump into me on the sidwalks of New York because they are looking down at their iPhones. It’s technological traffic and everyone under the age of thirty seems to be doing it. If you don’t look up and out you are going to miss all that is coming your way and what may pass you by. Be attentive to your surroundings and “in the moment.”
Listen Up: Learn to listen and count to ten before you respond to a question. We tend to fill in blank pauses with pointless comments. Instead, ask questions. People love to talk about themselves. If you are interviewing for a job prepare a list of questions in advance. A pause can be a powerful statement that you are thinking things over before you respond.
Speak Up: Practice speaking with a confident tone of voice and with excellent grammar. If you are in a business or social situation introduce yourself clearly. I can’t begin to tell you how many people I meet who neglect to tell me their full name even after I have told them my name. In meetings be prepared to weigh in; don’t hang back, but don’t dominate the conversation either. The best meetings are when there is balanced dialogue and everyone has the opportunity to speak up.
Lean On: Ask for help or advice when you need it. It saves evergy and gains wisdom. Learn that sometimes “divide and conquer” goes much further than “doing it all myself.” Find a mentor to guide you and become a mentor to guide someone else.
Reach Out: These days there are so many ways to connect with people and causes. Utilize all of them. Never hesitate to reach out to someone you don’t know and say, “I’ve always admired your work….(fill in what they do)…and would like to meet you.” The response may surprise you. Also, find something you care about or want to learn about and join organizations that connect you. Just don’t try to reach out for too much at one time unless you think you can manage it.
Look Out: Always be aware that actions and words have consequences. While speaking out is important, sharing too much information can backfire. While reaching out is important make sure the hand or situation you grab doesn’t pull you underwater. When leaning on someone or something make sure there is stability first. In other words do your homework, listen to your inner voice, trust your instinct and realize most people will look out for themselves before looking out for you.
A recent Pew Research Center study reports that women are now the leading or sole income producer in 40 percent of all households, and women are earning more than men in almost a quarter of U.S. households. Much of this is due to the economic realities we face, but it is also because we have more opportunities. I do agree that men still have greater advantages in business, and there is still an income disparity in many professions, and more work needed to address both. But I also believe the future is looking up for women and about looking out for each other.
