Sunday, September 11, will mark the tenth anniversary of the 2001 terrorist attacks on the United States that brought down four airplanes, the World Trade Towers and close to 3000 lives, but brought together a community of Americans and its allies in solidarity against terrorism. I was in New York that day, and my apartment’s patio had a direct view of the collapse of the towers and shocked crowds on the streets. Close enough to see the fireball blaze and the slow disintegration of skyscraper but far enough to avoid the crush of debris and smoke.
Every year since that day I have quietly listened to the roll call of the dead on television and held my own personal moment of silence. I have also held quiet vigils for the anniversary date of when Hurricane Katrina slammed my beautiful New Orleans, the day my best friend Julie died from breast cancer way too young , the day my father left this life, and the day I was diagnosed with breast cancer. I look back and reflect on how these events impacted my life and the lives of those around me.
I have read and heard numerous stories of survival from September 11th, remembering lives cut short and how the survivors picked up the pieces of their own lives and moved forward. Most of us are survivors of something that impacted our lives. We all have to pick up our emotional fragments and move forward to heal. These are called our “life lessons.” So what do we learn?
I have learned that remembering and commemorating sad occasions just makes me feel stressed and blue, and that is not good. So I have decided I no longer want to celebrate sad anniversaries, only happy ones. I want to celebrate birthdays not death days. I want to celebrate anniversaries that show how people build lives together not tear them apart. I don’t want to commemorate the anniversary of another hurricane, terrorist attack, war or assasination. I will honor the dead but not the occasion or reason. That may sound harsh to the families who lost loved ones but I am not stating this as a disservice to those who lost their lives. I am stating it constructively for those whose lives continue. We may look back but we must move forward.
My mother was married to my father for 52 years. She said to me that 50 were wonderful and the last two were challenging as she helped my father battle and eventually succomb to cancer. “I am not letting those last two years of frustration cloud the happy memories of the first 50,” she told me one day recently, “I choose to remember the happy times and a healthy husband.”
Moving forward I want to commemorate my father’s life on his birthday, June 8, not his death day, November 2. I want my memories to be his smiling face, funny jokes and natty dress, not the bloated, weak person lying in a hospital bed.
Now, instead of looking at August 9th as the date I was diagnosed with cancer, I am going to celebrate it as another year I am a survivor. The cancer is gone; I am still here. Why commemorate the diagnosis? I’m celebrating beating it and a new reason to live better with more purpose.
I believe in celebrating birthdays, wedding anniversaries and new beginnings, milestones that embrace living, bonding and growing.
What I have learned by looking back is how important it is throw off the weights of negative memories and thoughts that bring you down and may hold you back and focus on happy ones that lift your spirits and help move you foward. You can’t rewrite the past but your future can be an open book.
