I am overwhelmed by people who want to connect with me. This blog was just spammed by strangers who want to “connect” with GTOMC. Every day my inbox is flooded with people who want me to Link In, Tweet Up, Branch Out, join the (fill-in-the-blank Community), join a discount group and so forth.
Connecting with people should be a good thing. I started a new business this year called The Connected Table to define what I do best: connecting people to products, causes, events and experiences. A lot of what I do is online and very productive and beneficial, but I also think the human connection is important.
Is connecting with people online disconnecting you from people around you?
I am starting to think so, and I wonder if we are raising a socially disconnected generation? I see technology savvy kids who talk in cyber vernacular but who are socially inept and poor communicators in the real world.
A few examples:
Friday night I was visiting relatives. One adult was on the sofa intently searching information on her Iphone. Another adult was on his laptop. The three children were on their Ipads and Iphones playing with apps. Everyone was connected to their electronics. No one spoke to each other.
Family holiday dinner is a great time to catch up. Except the kids are all engaged in their computers and GameBoys, both at the table and throughout the evening. No conversation.
People on the street bump into you as they email. Drivers text and crash their cars. You land after a plane ride and immediately check your emails rather than enjoy the new scenery. Everyone is looking down, not out and up.
A normal Sunday with my husband visiting a relative. I look at my email and see no less than five new emails from business colleagues starting as early as 8 a.m. (and that one was from the West Coast!) all asking for an immediate reply.
When did Sunday become the new Monday? Remember when Sunday was for going to church, having a family supper, curling up and relaxing or going out and having fun with friends?
I confess. I am as guilty as anyone for checking her emails over the weekends and engaging online more than I should. I spend way too much time looking down at my Blackberry or Ipad and not looking out and enjoying my surroundings. I have electronics in the bedroom that should not be there.
I have mixed feelings about this; in some ways this kind of connection is emotionally important:
When I was undergoing cancer treatment keeping connected through emails and Facebook became important since I want to feel and appear normal. My husband sent emails updating my friends and family about my condition. But looking back I realize I was also doing it out of the fear of losing control, clients and contacts and just not for the sake of connecting for pleasure.
My dying father would not let his cell phone leave his hand in hospice. I think it symbolized for him a connection to staying alive. I wouldn’t be surprised if he died holding his cell phone. Many say he just wanted to be ready to take my call. When he died, sharing the news with my friends on Facebook was an important means of letting people know quickly and gave me a way to pay tribute to him with a photo album.
But, day to day, the reality check is this: Going online seems to be getting out of line. It’s time to reboot. Some thoughts:
1) Take a day or block of time and get off the computer, Blackberry or Iphone and spend that time connected with yourself or with other people face to face.
2) When you arrive in a new destination, look out and focus on where you are and not where you are not (back at the office)
3) Just because a business colleague emails you at 11 p.m., 6 a.m., Saturday night, etc. does not mean you have to answer back immediately. Unless it is necessary to address an emergency, ask yourself: Can it wait or am I opening myself up to being available 24/7? And when did 24/7 become the new norm anyway?
4) Use social media wisely. Do you really want to share your day to day life online?
Think why you are on Twitter or Facebook and use it with purpose and with prudence. It will take less time for you and be more worthwhile for others.
5) Take the time to invite someone you have not seen in awhile to dinner, or schedule a phone chat. I do this every week.
6) Finally, for those of you guilty as charged- Stop sleeping with your Blackberry or Iphone.
Frankly, after enduring some inappropriately toned and timed emails from business colleagues this summer during evenings and weekends, I am taking a stronger stand on when and how I respond to people online and how I use email to communicate.
And I am going to learn to re-connect with people around me and enjoy the moment before it passes me by.
My dog Chance gives me a reality check daily. Around 6:30 p.m. when I am still at my desk he sits at my feet, looks at me and growls. I know what he is saying: “Get of the @#$%% computer and let’s play.”
