Yesterday a group of us were talking about how hard it can be to bounce back after a setback. Comebacks and reinventions are all possible, but it can take a lot of soul searching and time.
I said to those around me: “Sometimes you just have to set aside your pride to move forward.”
A setback, whether a personal setback, a business setback or a combination of both, can put you into either an emotional tailspin or an emotional paralysis. Suddenly you may no longer be in the driver’s seat. Factors you cannot control are running and, in your mind, ruining your life.
A health setback has its own special course. You need to follow the directions of your authorities, in this case your doctors, to become healthy again and to fight the disease. You focus on your medical plan.
A financial setback, be it personal loss or debt, or the loss of your business or a job, means you may have to adjust how you live and control your spending, take on work you never wanted to do. You focus on staying afloat.
A personal setback such as the breakup of a relationship or the death of a loved one means you have to deal with a profound loss; someone who there for you both emotionally and physically is gone. You feel an emptiness like no other. You focus on filling a void.
Later that evening I reflected on how I have dealt with my own setbacks. I have experienced all three kinds of setbacks: health, financial and the loss of my father. A trifecta of setbacks, all in a relatively short 18 month time frame.
You may need to rely on people, when you didn’t before. You may need to adjust how you live, how you spend your time, your money, your energies. And you need to adjust your attitude. It may take going a few steps back..or sideways…to get back to moving forward.
But what does that really mean “you set aside your pride?” I asked myself later. I looked up the word “pride.” My dictionary provided several definitions: The first, “A sense of one’s own value, self-respect. The second, “Pleasure or satisfaction taken in one’s work, achievement or possessions. The third, “A cause or a source of pride. The fourth: An excessively high opinion of one’s self. Arrogance. Conceit.
Well, that’s a wide set of definitions, ranging from “good pride” to “bad pride” in my opinion!
I don’t think anyone should lose their self-respect. And I feel you should always have pride in what you accomplish. And you should have pride in your beliefs. That is “good pride.”
“Bad pride” is arrogance, an attitude that make your inflexible or unrealistic. “I’ve always done it this way.” “I am better than that.” “I am too good to do that.” “I refuse to change.”
That’s the “bad pride” in the Biblical proverb “Pride goeth before the fall.”
So when I say you sometimes need to put your pride aside I mean it this way: Believe you can be yourself and believe in yourself no matter what other people say or tell you. Know that sometimes circumstances may force you to make an adjustment in how you live and what you do, and that is OK provided it helps you move forward and beyond your setback. Realize the path you took to get where you are today may not be the best one for you to continue on to reach a better tomorrow. It’s OK to jump off and take a detour.
Realize that setbacks mean you will need to be more realistic. Don’t try and compare yourself and your situation to anyone. Swallow any arrogance you possess and and focus on the positive, as hard as that can be sometimes. And, don’t play the blame game. Instead, make a game plan.
Keep your “good pride” intact. Toss your “bad pride” aside.
