My Dad left this world November 2, 2009. I saved a few emails that he always wrote in CAPS. I told him “Dad, when you send emails in CAPS it means you are SHOUTING.” He responded, “I am deaf in one ear. That’s why I shout, even in emails.”
But I wish I could still hear his voice. When people leave you sometimes it’s their voice you find you miss deeply. I miss Dad’s soothing voice when I was having a panic attack, his encouraging voice when I was pitching new business, and his commanding voice when it was time to “march out the door.” When I was young I was scared when he raised his voice at me; when I was older I just shouted back. We discussed; we argued; we teased; we shared.
I wish I had written down what he had to say or recorded his voice. I do my best to remember his wry sense of humor and how he would heave with a hearty hee-haw laugh at his own pranks and jokes. On June 8th on his birthday and again on Father’s Day I try to conjure up his voice, now a distant echo in my mind.
So I do my best to write down what I remember and encourage anyone with one or both parents still alive to listen to them, record their voice and keep in somewhere safe. One day that voice may become a whisper or a rasp, and then it will disappear.
The world according to Mel:
“Melanie, I am giving you the ‘5-P Award’ for “Pretty Piss Poor Prior Planning” – He’d say this when I royally screwed up.
“Melanie, you’ve got to ‘Play Hardball’ in business. He gave me a paperweight baseball with this slogan on it that I keep at my desk. My staff’s nickname for him was “HardBall Mel.”
“Melanie was ‘poorly engineered and badly accounted for.'” This is what means to be the second baby born in the New Year, missing out on both prizes and a year-end tax deduction…not to mention causing my party-loving parents to leave a New Year’s bash early.
“You’ve have it cattywampus” – Anything off kilter or askew – certainly not the engineering terms he learned at West Point!
“This weighs a shitload.”- A form of measurement. Also, used as “You are going to be in a shitload of trouble if your Mother finds out.”
“It’s AligaTORpiss “- His description of a bad wine. For years my mother didn’t realize AligaTORpiss meant “Aligator Piss.”
“No chuppah; no shtuppah” – No sex before marriage.
“Why buy the cow when the milk is free?” (see above).
“There is always an angle”- The true C.P.A. in him.
“Let’s eat some Shooshi”- A plate of raw fish.
“I am deaf in my left ear. I call it my ‘Buy Me, Give Me, Get Me Ear’. It’s the one that faces Sonia in bed.”
“We’ll split the cost. I want you to have this. Just don’t tell your Mother.”
“Daddy will fix it. Don’t worry. We will work it out.”
Until the end he tried to fix everything for me to make life run better and smoother. He was always a phone call away and made several calls to me during the day to ‘check in.” They say he died with his cell phone close by his bed to be able to reach me if I needed him. In the end he may have needed me more.
The only thing he could not fix was a cancer diagnosis, his or mine, or the reality that life is only ours for a brief time on Earth. Father Time took my Dad to another place. Now, when a cardinal flies by, I like to think it’s Dad checking in.
So for those of you with Fathers, listen to their goofy stories and bad jokes, let them reminisce, accept the baggy jeans or shorts and the plaid Dad shirt, the bad comb-over and the umpteen little things that make him uniquely your “Dad.” And don’t reserve just Father’s Day to let unsaid words be spoken.
I loved these heartwarming reminders of a father’s love, and especially the fact that these aphorisms say so much about your Father’s personality, parenting style, and especially his love for you. I am inspired enough to take your advice and write a note to my own Dad (while I still can) to tell him how much his comforting assurance that “Daddy will fix it. Don’t worry. We will work it out” has meant to me. Thank you!